Standing on the shoulders of giants.

I feel the best times to write is when there is a chemical deficiency in my system. Whether it be under intoxicated means or other types of out of the norm situations. In this case, its getting a fever of 100.02 degrees.

A new world just opened up to me, the world of constant pain and misery. Its really frustrating knowing that the things I can once do with my eyes closed is now handicapped. I’ve been fighting this by acting counter to my condition but it worsens. This reminds me of my Grandfather. In another time, with a different world I can honestly say that my grandfather could’ve been a scientist or an amazing mechanic. The man had all sorts of idea, from trying to create a helicopter by using a motorcycle engine, new inventions to eradicate rats, to the simple things like having a water pit hidden under a stage. The man was a genius. In the end of his life here on earth, at some point, he realized that a lot of his ideas and plans will never come to pass. His blue prints in creating a helicopter will never be assembled due to his deteriorated strength, his plans of creating an extension to his would with ‘green house’ heating/lighting will never come due. It must’ve been frustrating for him, and it was sad for me seeing him try and repair his Kawasaki z750 motorcycle at the back yard (a project he’s been putting on hold for 13 years) with his walker by his side and a power tool in hand. For the first time in my life I saw a once strong man, broken, hurt, and angry at me all because I told him he cant do that. A man who lived through Japanese Occupied Philippines, was apart of the moderation of his country, a man who built his home with his own 2 hands, as opposed to me and my generation of privilege and consumerism.

In all honesty, I hate what I’ve become. I truly am standing on the shoulders of giants.